3 Ways to Negotiate Your Way to a Better Marriage

Marriage is all about negotiating.

Marriage is all about negotiating.

All you old married folk out there know what I mean. You negotiate whose turn it is to walk the dog (in the rain), prepare elaborate spreadsheets devoted to kid wrangling, chore management and bill paying. Is it your turn to stay home with a flu-wracked child, or his? Does he really think you are going to unload the dishwasher for the third time today? Are you on different pages when it comes to the frequency of emotional and physical intimacy?

These situations, though common, can overwhelm even the strongest of bonds. And before you know it, you’ve morphed out of the honeymoon phase, straight into the “You just don’t understand me” phase. As we get bogged down in the minute details of domestic life, it may feel as though we spend more time negotiating with our partner than reaching any equitable solution.

Do you ever feel as though you have a terrible time getting your point across to your partner? Feel as though you are talking to a brick wall rather than your one true love? Seem to be spinning your wheels repeatedly – having the same “discussion” over and over – like Groundhog Day?

Or are your frustrated because you just NEVER get your way?

Hey … we’ve all been there. Sometimes we really just need our marital goings on to be simple. “Hey, I just asked you to take out the trash – not take all 5 kids to the grocery store – at dinnertime – to stock up for the winter, while having a conference call with a client, and washing, drying and ironing 10 loads of laundry.”

What’s a girl gotta do to get some help ‘round here?

If you need some insight into the male brain, watch this video where I teach wives the tricks they need to get their men to do their bidding – without breaking a sweat or nagging.

Yes, you heard me right. Impossible, you say? Well, that’s what Dr. Oz thought too, until his wife Lisa read my book. She put my techniques to work. Even Dr. Oz had to admit, they work!

Here’s a sneak peek and be sure to watch the video:

1. Move His Body, Move His Mind: Movement of any kind – walking, running or sweeping the floor – gets your endorphins activated. This is turn leads to increased levels of happiness and confidence. So, when you get that man of yours moving about, you can move his mind as well. 

Before you ask him if he’s cool with you going off on a girls’ weekend (to Vegas) while he stays home to deal with the kids, the dogs and the soccer games – you’d better make sure you are on your feet. DO NOT broach the subject while he’s trying to watch the NCAA finals … not smart. Instead, invite him out for a walk (fresh air will amplify this effect) or bring it up while strolling through the mall this weekend. Bring it up casually, mid-stroll, and increase the likelihood you’ll come out ahead of the game!

2. Body Leveraging: It’s like real estate … location, location, location. Think about this: when your body is lower then his and you look up to him, you'll make him feel valued and important. So, when he's on the couch, you sit on the floor and look up at him while you rub his leg.  No need to lay it on too thick … I know that super girly stuff doesn’t work in my house – it probably isn’t going to work in yours. Just discern that ideal location, state your case simply and clearly, and you'll soon have him eating out of the palm of your hand.

3. Mirroring: People like people who are like themselves, so mirror his moves. The mirror neurons in our brain tune in right away – and provide a satisfying feeling of solidarity and teamwork. This in turn leads to equitable partnerships, and improved health. The movements do not have to be exact matches; in fact, it’s better not to mirror him too closely. For instance, when he scratches his chin, you can tuck that wayward hair behind your ear. CAUTION: The key to this mind trick is to wait 3 seconds, otherwise he might become suspicious – or weirded out.

Of course, marriage is all about partnership – not merely getting your way. No one wants to be manipulated, but, if we can better understand gender differences in communication, it will help alleviate some of the difficulties we all encounter from time to time. By recognizing and appreciating these differences, we can use this knowledge to our benefit – and perhaps reduce some of the daily strife that exists in all such partnerships.

Lyndon B. Johnson once said, “I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.”

Truer words were never spoken.

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